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Mom couldn’t stop screaming when she realized what her husband adopted

Mom couldn’t stop screaming when she realized. What her husband adopted. Her family didn’t accept what she was. Going to adopt and she was depressed day and night. But there was a couple of challenges in life’s goals that changed of the children’s life. Adoptive mom Amanda Kick shares her family story of adopting two children with special needs from South Africa, where Holt just launched our newest adoption program. My husband and I were on our first date when I bluntly asked if he’d be comfortable with adoption as a way to grow a family.

I had adoption in my heart for. Years and I knew I wasn’t willing to budge. Although there’s deep beauty and biological children. I just knew I wanted to parent. The kids who were waiting. Thankfully, my now husband was fully on board. We first approached our agency and learned we were too young for many countries, too poor or our BMI was too high for others.

We fit all the parameters for South. Africa, so it was an easy decision that felt kind of made for us. I’d been on a trip to South. Africa in high school, so I thought I was somewhat familiar with the country. We eagerly joined the program, wanting to adopt a healthy baby girl age four or younger. We quickly learned that would be a long, long wait because young children with. Little to no medical needs were being adopted domestically. Woohoo, we loved hearing that these children will be able to grow up in.

The country and culture of their birth. We then learned there was actually a list of waiting kids in South Africa who were fully eligible for adoption, who had long waited for international adoptive families. We had to ask ourselves hard questions like, are we asking this child to fulfill something for us or are we asking them to come fully as themselves into our family? We realized it wasn’t about us and. Was actually about these children.

It was a slow process of peeling back the layers of our desires. We had to ask ourselves hard questions. Like, are we asking this child to fulfill something for us or are we. Asking them to come fully as themselves into our family We realized it wasn’t about us and. Was actually about these children. We saw our son on the waiting. List a few months after our dossier. Had gone to South Africa. He was six, had possible hearing loss and cerebral palsy. He’d been on the waiting list for months.

I’d seen his picture every single day for months We had checked no to CP on. The list of special needs we would be open to. We thought it was too complex for our family. It wasn’t until we saw videos of him walking down the hallway and smiling that we realized we were greatly misinformed about CP. We were matched with Ben and thought, okay, so he’s deaf. No big deal. We’ll just learn sign language and enrolled in a ten week class. We had coffee with a friend who.

Grew up with a deaf brother and. Asked if she thought we could do it, even though secretly our minds were already made up. She lovingly told us we were in for a bumpy ride and shared the difficult realities of being hearing parents to a deaf child. We met Ben when he only knew. About 15 signs and we knew about 50. The early days were full of tantrums. As we took our screaming, crying, biting. Kicking, and spitting child out of a mall in South Africa. Someone actually stopped and asked if we. Had found a lost child.

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But I think what saved us those. First few years was our training on trauma. We had to remind ourselves that Ben. Couldn’T express himself and didn’t have words. He hadn’t learned sign language yet, so. All he knew for six years was. To physically use his body to express himself. Imagine not being able to tell someone your tummy hurts or you’re cold or you don’t want to wear the red shoes.

Today we failed over and over, but. We had to learn a lot of patience. We had to learn a brain and. Trauma can’t be reasoned with in the moment. Ben had to first regulate before we. Could reason with him. That took time and practice. Today he’s nearly ten and has the. Language of a three year old. We are still signing and doing our. Best to be fluent. He still has tantrums, but they’re much less frequent. We continue to learn his brain isn’t wired like ours, so his behaviors can’t. Be explained like ours.

Sometimes it happens in public and we. Have to learn to brush it off because a traumatized brain needs time and space to regulate. We’ve gotten a front row seat to. Watching our son go from not even understanding what a question is to being able to tell time, reminding me that on Mondays he rides the bus and. Asks if he can have pizza for dinner. It’s a treat to watch him learn. New words all the time. A year after Ben came home, we.

Were matched with his sister Hattie. We were quickly making our way back to South Africa, this time for a two year old girl who we were told was born with no cerebellum in. Her brain and no ability to walk. Smile, communicate, or sit up on her own. How in the world we went in two years from wanting a healthy, perfect. Baby to a toddler who would need. Lifelong care and therapies I have no idea. I think God just slowly peeled back.

The layers and made us address our selfish desires. These children didn’t owe us anything. We owe them the promise of our unconditional love. We asked ourselves if we could change diapers for the rest of our lives. And we couldn’t think of a reason why we couldn’t. We’re a homebody family. We like a slow paced schedule. We don’t like to be on the go. We couldn’t help but acknowledge that we were really a good fit for a. Child with special needs. When we met Hattie Unlike with Ben, our attachment was not instant.

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It was terrifying. Our connection to Ben was instant and. Fierce, but Hadi’s needs felt big and scary. She screamed hours of the day. Her sensory needs meant she slammed her. Head on any hard surface and she sucked her thumb until it was raw and cut open. We’d show up to a restaurant in South Africa and realized there was no wheelchair ramp. We definitely had some moments of panic where we questioned what we had just done. Thankfully, we had well seasoned adoptive families who let us know it was totally normal if the attachment took time.

I didn’t fall in love with my. Spouse in a day, so it was. Okay if I didn’t fall in love. With my child in a single day. They encouraged us to take little steps. Each day to attach. No step was too small or silly for me. I was buying new clothes for her. Sounds funny now, but I wanted to buy her new outfits and try them on her. We did that to build our bond. We worked on her hair, trying new products and styles. We threw out our swimsuits and took our baths together. We did whatever we could to build our bond.

I followed my gut. I found myself making her homemade mashed foods that helped me build attachment. Looking back now, it makes sense. Mothers and fathers care for their babies. Every need in the beginning and it forms a bond. So that’s exactly what we did. We nurtured her every way we could. Some days she would scream and Slam. Her head and we would ride in the car and silently cry. We went to our court date and. Just trusted God that our attachment would come in time. And boy, did it come. I wish I had known all along.

It’s okay when things don’t come instantly. It’s okay to mourn the version of. Your family you lose when you had a child. I wish everyone knew that. Special needs children are children that have been born addicted, have physical or mental deficiencies, are older, and not the desirable newborn. Special needs children are wonderful, lovable and need you just as much as you need them. Fostering or adoption was always going to. Be something we’d look into. Due to the fact that my husband and his sister were both fostered and.

My late brother was adopted. It was our way of giving back. What we never planned on, though, was. Finding out that I was infertile and after nine years of failed fertility treatments. We knew the time had come to stop going down that path and go. Back to the decision to foster or adopt. They all brought something that touched my heart and gave me the strength to get up in the morning. If any one of them had not been in my life, I doubt I. Would have been as good a parent to the others. Each of them made me smile at some point when another was breaking my heart.

Now that we’re home, we’re always learning something new. We’re learning about the resources available to us to parent two children with developmental disabilities. We bought a wheelchair accessible van and put a ramp in our garage. We tried therapies and we quit therapies. We went into spaces our kids didn’t. Quite fit, so we found new spaces. All you can do is take it. One day and one step at a time. As parents, we have to keep our.

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Mental health in check and make sure. All our energy doesn’t go to our kids at the expense of our own health. Believe me, there is no difference between. Your own child and an adopted child. Before we adopted, I was wondering if. It was going to be the same. But the moment she arrived, There was no other thoughts. You will just love this child as your own. Even the child will behave like you. And will be very similar to you in many aspects. So if at all you think of. Adopting, Just do it. It’s beautiful. So while this question is a very.

Common and natural concern, Ask any adoptive. Family about how they feel about their children and you’ll hear a unanimous response. Loving an adopted child is just the same as loving any other child. Period. Focusing on the relationship of the adoptee to the adoptive parents completely overlooks what we experienced before we were adopted. Every single adoptee has been relinquished, abandoned, orphaned, and even in some cases, trafficked.

Any of those events is traumatic. Any of them leaves us with the knowledge that no love is so secure. That we can never lose it. The weeks before court when your child. Is still in their care, home or. Orphanage Are not the time to form. Opinions about your parenting or your child. Your child is grieving the loss of. Everything they know and love and that can present in many behaviors. The people who love them and cared. For them are also grieving.

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Man Gives His Girlfriend A Necklace 15 Years Later, She Breaks Down When She Realizes What’s Inside

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The doctor couldn’t stop screaming when he realized what this mom gave birth to