Parents went to adopt baby, but when they arrive at the hospital, they discover that he isn’t a baby. Good family relationships help all children feel secure and loved. It doesn’t matter whether children are adopted or biological magical. A lot of people expect parenting skills to come naturally and magically kick in once you have kids. To a certain extent, all parents learn as they go and do the best with what they have.
Every case is unique. Sometimes the kids we got were so abused that they were absolute terrors. Other times it was like gaining a new best friend. Of course, there were those that were just in between as well. Also, it must be said, especially hard to raise kids with special health or behavioral issues come in all packages, adopted or otherwise.
Just love the one you got babies that look like you are not much different to raise, regardless of how they came into your family. The adoption process is insane, but raising them isn’t. It’s a baby. You tell them they’re adopted and you love them. Raising a disabled child is very hard.
It’s time consuming and very expensive. Due to a lifetime of ongoing medical and therapy expenses, disabled kids generally never leave home. You have to care for them as adults and figure out arrangements for them when you die. When there’s a disabled child in the house, other children in the family tend to take a backseat and can often feel and even be neglected. Because a disabled child needs to take precedence, having a disabled child is a huge responsibility.
To make that choice deliberately is taking on a massive, very serious lifetime commitment time wise, expense wise, emotionally, mentally, physically, socially, etc. It’s not easy, and it certainly isn’t a good idea for many people. It’s wonderful that the prospective adoptive parents and the expecting parents are able to meet before each side decides to move forward with placement. It’s wonderful that having an open relationship is becoming the norm. However, there’s still corruption in the system, with both sides being taken advantage of, whether that’s the prospective adoptive parents paying thousands of dollars towards a bogus situation or the expecting parents not receiving enough counseling after their many options for their child, one of which is adoption.
Alison and Josh met in University and quickly fell in love. They got married in September 2000, and over the years their families become larger and filled with more love than they ever thought possible. Together, Allison and Josh had four biological children and an adopted son named Micah, and their family was complete. At least, that’s what the couple thought. Fast forward to Allison’s 38th birthday.
She got a call from an adoption attorney friend of theirs who remembered that the couple had talked about adoption in the past. The friend knew of a pregnant woman who was unable to raise her little boy and asked if Allison and Josh were willing to take on any more children. It didn’t take long for Alison and Josh to decide. They definitely wanted to give the newborn boy a chance to grow up in a safe home. Later, when the boy’s mother was ready to give birth, Ellison and Josh loaded their kids into the car and drove 10 hours to the hospital.
But on the way, their friend called from the adoption agency again. Does Josh have both hands on the steering wheel? She asked. Ellison and Josh were married in 2000 and started a family. They discussed whether they would have two or perhaps three children, but as we know, life doesn’t always turn out as we expect.
Over the years, the couple had biological children Abby, eleven, Jack nine, and Isabel, eight. Then a few years later, Alison and Josh adopted Mica, age five, before they brought their fourth biological child, Julia, three, into the world. Allison and Josh figured that they were done having children. But one day Ellison got a phone call from a friend who also works in an adoption agency. She said that she’d remembered our talking about possibly wanting to adopt again and then shared that she was aware of a birth mom who needed a family for her baby.
Elisin explained to little things. I called my husband to get the conversation started, but instead of proceeding with the typical logical slow process of decision making, he exclaimed, Absolutely. This is so clearly an answer to what we’ve been praying. A few months later, the call that the couple was waiting for came in. It was time to pick up their new family member at the hospital.
Allison and Josh loaded the kids into the car and started the ten hour trip to Duke University Hospital in Durham, North Carolina. Then, on the way to the maternity Ward, the phone rang again. Does Josh have both his hands on the steering wheel? Ask the friend from the adoption center. The friend said that the doctors had just completed an ultrasound and discovered that the mother would, in fact, deliver twins.
I always have a hard time articulating the emotions that poured themselves over us in that moment. It was something akin to ecstatic, overwhelmed, terrified, delight, said Allison. As Alison’s mix of emotions began to subside, the phone rang again. It was the same friend, but this time she told Allison that something wasn’t quite right. I’m sorry to tell you this.
They’re on their way to do an emergency C section, and they don’t think baby B will survive the delivery, said the friend. A million and one things occurred during the next 2 hours of driving to the hospital, but when we finally arrived, we found a small but healthy baby boy cuddling with the nurses on the postpartum floor. But in NICU lay a precious three pound Darling whom we would soon find out was born without a brain, said Allison. The doctors looked at Alison and her family with empathy. You don’t have to take her.
We know this isn’t what you signed up for, the doctor said from opposite sides of the tiny incubator. Josh and I said in unison, she’s our daughter. Our old family spent the next three weeks with her at Duke University, cuddling singing, crying and praying. When she was stable enough, Duke Graciously provided a medical transport to fly her to Children’s Hospital in our hometown of Birmingham, Alabama, where she spent three more weeks at NICU. Finally, after 44 days in the hospital, Ava Lee Lewis came home to her family.
Choosing Ava to be our daughter was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done. We have multiple visits a week from our Hospice team. As much as we’ve come to love and treasure our nurses, their visits are a reminder that Ava’s life on Earth will likely end much sooner than we would ever want, said Allison. She continued, we talk openly with the kids. They know that Ava’s life will be far shorter than what any of us would want for her, but they know that we’ve got a lot of love to pack into a short period of time.
We have a lot of life and love to pack into whatever time we have left with her. And when the time comes that she breathes her last breath, her body will be truly whole. Her name will find its most perfect completion in a glorious picture of being truly filled with life eternal. Ava lived for almost seven months before going home to Jesus. It was a beautiful and full life for an angel who doctors said would be a life finished almost before it began.
The Lord gave and the Lord is taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised. Job 121 Baby Ava was buried in a tiny wooden casket lovingly crafted by her adoptive father. The Lewis say that even though all the joy, uncertainty, heartache and tragedy, choosing Ava to be their daughter was the hardest, easy thing they’ve ever done. And if asked, they do it all over again.
What an incredible testimony to the love and plans the Lord has for us. Even baby Ava, whose life was supposed to end before it began. Alison said on multiple occasions that through it all, God surrounded them with a peace that can only come from Him, one that comforts and surpasses all understanding. The parents were left in no doubt about the difficulties they were likely to face with their adoptive child. They were then placed with looked after children, children in care due to bad family situations, whose birth family was in meltdown.
In any case, the whole family, adoptive parents and child and birth family were given ongoing support and assistance to navigate the inevitable issues. It wasn’t always this way. Women used to give babies up because their families forced them to. We don’t, by and large, do that anymore. Contraception and abortions are available throughout the country, so the number of unwanted pregnancies has plummeted.
Healthcare is free and social welfare programs mean that no parent has to make a decision about whether they can afford to feed another child. The desire to be a parent someday Trump’s the desire that the child should be biologically mine. In fact, adoption is a kind of by default position, whereas a natural baby or a child through art is something I’d consider because for a natural baby, I’d think of being married and for that, I’d need the right partner. This may or may not happen before the biological clock ticks. There’s always the option of art two, which I might consider.
The above two are things I’d consider. Adoption is default. As a single woman who would someday like to nurture a life, adoption is a beautiful way. The faith, strength, and unconditional love of the Lewis family is inspiring and their story is another incredible reminder that we have a good, good father. Adoption is happiness for your family and the child you’re adopting.
It’s a great step in making someone’s life happy and beautiful. However, adopted children may be dealing with a whole host of issues and emotions and an overstimulating event may give rise to even more help them feel the love and security in their new homes. Before bringing out all the balloons and having people shout surprise, every child is different. You’ll need a unique approach with your own child. However, those things might or might not apply to your child.
