When they visited this grave, the baby crawled into it and never let go. It’s hard to worry about death in advance, and all it will do to create unnecessary anxiety in your life. By the time your parents are ready to pass, you may actually be ready. Don’t waste the years you have with your mom worrying about the years you won’t have with her. The end of the world is near.
God will judge everyone as their actions deserve. Some will cry in hell day and night. May it not be you. Grief is like a bone fracture. If you could choose how your bone gets broken, you’re not going to choose a life threatening fracture.
You’re going to choose a simple fracture with one break and some anesthesia and a blindfold to go with it. Nobody opts for a completely shattered bone with fragments puncturing the skin and nearby organs, which is similar to the grief of losing a parent. You heal from being more powerfully, broken more slowly and with more help. See the grief as a process, not a problem. In time, you accept the void they left behind and start to fill it up with new loved ones, new responsibilities and deadlines that demand your attention, new milestones and achievements that would have made them proud.
But there’s no full recovery. Holidays and anniversaries make it hurt again. You learn to cope with missing their presence in a less perfect world and get used to bouts of yearning for an impossible reunion. A lonely, orphaned man visits his mother’s grave every week for twelve years. Then one day he arrives and finds her standing by her own grave.
Gary Levine’s Sundays always ended with a visit to his mother’s grave. He might go to lunch with friends, play golf or tennis, but no matter what, Gary’s day seemed incomplete unless he paid tribute to his mom. It had been twelve years since Esther passed away, and Gary felt that he would never, ever get over the pain of losing her or the loneliness of being an orphan. His father had died when he was only eight, and Esther had raised him alone. Gary Levine’s Sundays always ended with a visit to his mother’s grave.
Like his father, Esther had been an only child. There were no aunts or uncles, no cousins. Since Esther’s passing, Gary was alone in the world. He had a lot of friends, but it was to Esther’s grave that he brought his joys and his sorrows. That Sunday, Gary brought a bouquet of his mother’s favorite Lily of the Valley from the florist on the way to the Cemetery.
As he approached Esther’s grave, he had a strange sensation of deja vu. There was a woman standing in front of his mother’s grave with her back to him, and something about the set of her shoulders and her posture, even her hairstyle was eerily familiar. Gary walked closer, and at the sound of his footsteps, the woman turned around, and Gary saw her face. Mom? Gary heard himself crying out even as he lost consciousness and his knees folded under him.
Gary never got over losing his mother. When he came to, he found himself looking up at Esther’s beloved face. She was cradling his head in her arms and running a wet handkerchief over his face. Are you all right? She asked.
Can you hear me, mom? Gary whispered. Is that really you? The woman looks surprised, mom. You mean you’re Esther Levine’s son?
Don’t give in to despair, because a brand new life and happiness may be waiting for you just around the corner. Gary’s vision was clearer, and now he could see that there were subtle differences between this woman and his mother. She was older, of course, the age that Esther would have been if she lived. But still, the resemblance was uncanny. Gary brought Esther a bouquet of her favorite flowers.
I’m Esther’s son. Yes, Gary Levine, Gary confirmed as he tried to get back on his feet. Who are you? For a moment, I thought I was seeing a ghost. The woman helped him up and smiled.
I’m Kira Duchamp. I believe I’m your mother’s twin. Twin? Gary couldn’t believe his ears. But my mom was an only child.
Kyra nodded sadly. I thought I was an only child, too, she said. But when my mother passed away, I learned I was adopted. So I started looking for my birth family. Gary saw a woman standing by his mother’s grave.
It wasn’t easy. The adoption had been back in the no one wanted to talk, but finally I learned who my parents were. And best of all, that I had a twin sister. But I thought, no one separates twins, Gary exclaimed. Not anymore.
But back then, things were different, Kira explained. I can tell you I’ve spent my whole life feeling that there was something missing. And there was. It broke my heart to learn that I’d found out about Esther too late to get to know her. The woman turned around, and Gary saw that she looked like his mother.
I think she had the same feeling, Gary said. She was fascinated with anything to do with twins, and her greatest regret was not having siblings. But she never knew that she was adopted or she would have gone looking for you, too. Tell me, Gary, what was she like? Kira asked eagerly.
And so Gary spent the rest of the afternoon talking about Esther her lovely laugh, her irresistible sense of humor, her kindness. Gary and Kira made plans to meet the next day so Gary could bring the photo albums and show her his mementos of Esther. As Kira slowly leaped through a photo album, she sighed. It’s like looking at myself, living a different reality, Kira said. We really were identical.
I’ve got to show this to my children. With your permission, Esther and Kira were given up for adoption to different families. You have children? Gary asked. How many?
Six Kira smiled. Four girls and two boys, and I already have two grandbabies. And they’re identical twins, just like me and Esther. I have cousins? Gary asked.
I have a family. You do, Kira said. But in reality, since Esther and I were genetically identical, they’re your half brothers and sisters. The following weekend, there was a crowd around Esther’s grave. Kira came and brought her husband and her children and her grandchildren to meet Gary and placed flowers on her long lost sister’s grave.
Gary became part of a big family. For the first time in twelve years, Gary didn’t walk away alone. He was surrounded by a loving family that belonged to him. As Kira put her arm around his shoulders, Gary knew that the dark and lonely days were over. He was sure that somewhere Esther was watching and smiling.
What can we learn from this story when the people we love move on to a better place, we don’t grieve for them. We grieve for our loneliness. Gary was devastated by his mother’s early death and never got over it. Don’t give in to despair, because a brand new life and happiness may be waiting for you just around the corner. Gary never imagined he’d meet his mother’s twin and find a large and loving family.
The loss of my mother literally shocked my soul. That one person who had been with me from the moment I took my first breath, suddenly gone with the click of my fingers. It took me a long time to get over that period of shock. It didn’t feel real for such a long time. I didn’t grieve like most would.
I wasn’t in floods of tears mourning the loss of my mother. Once that shock passed, I became angry. Angry that she left me, angry that she didn’t seek medical help sooner. I sucked all my grief up with only anger remaining. Many people, even myself, try not to mention stress about this harsh reality to those who have yet to make their lives and find their ways.
This is mostly a topic where those who are old need an open acceptance to it. I mean, they’re preparing themselves mentally and emotionally. That is why they say it on each step they’re passing through. However, I’m extremely sorry to say this to you much earlier. That is a fact which you could not have avoided.
Losing a mother for a child at any age is, I tell you, very traumatic. However, you’re very young. I can understand and feel your pain. Even though four years have passed. However, you’re unable to cope.
That she has gone from your life forever. You have every right to feel it, to mourn it, to miss her terribly and intensely, behave in that way. It’s not abnormal. It’s absolutely normal. We, as human beings are helpless.
That is the core to this answer. You must have seen people around you are normal. It’s an irony. The one who is passing through this trauma gets affected, not the others. These are shifts and it keeps on moving.
Today it’s here, tomorrow the next life keeps on moving. It does not stop. It has to move should not be stopped. Every mother wants to be present for their children. That must be the biggest solo dream of each mother that I bring up my child as far as much as I could.
She wants to see him big and successful in every step of his life. Your mother was full of these aspirations. She wanted you to become and achieve the best. She did not want to leave you, but she was helpless. She left you much early which she must not have imagined.
I’m sorry to prepare you for this reality. I’m sure there must be many others, your family, teachers, friends who have been asking you to accept it. The most important it is for the sake of your mother. You need to pull along with life. Had she been there with you, you would have wanted to do your best.